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Date: 30.10.09 Time: 12:27 pm
I was supposed to start playing piano 5mins ago, and mum called 3mins after she left the house and asked why she can't freaking hear the piano, ARGH. i need to breatheeeee. Well we are losing it, if you can see. What you said the other day, think about it, maybe it doesn't make any sense anymore. It's just pure ignorance now, honestly speaking. I thought this would make everything better, maybe it does, but the compromise is too much sometimes. It was worth the fight, but now it isn't. one more month, is exactly how long i have. No, seriously i don't want to screw it up. It's been 14years, it should be in my blood by now, but sometimes i don't feel it that way. I wonder why. The pressure is great, now i can feel it, maybe on stage it's even worse. I just feel that faith is slipping away. You know, I realised sometimes when we can't do a thing, or we can't do it well, it's not because we don't have the ability to, but rather others don't believe we can. Sadly, that influenced us too much. And to overcome that mental barrier, very hard i admit. This post is just everything mixed together, i need a space to rant. |