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Call her Katie Wingyee whatever, She's gonna put the boring stuff and here it goes, Victoria Junior College 09S33, Harmonica Band,
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She rants and she whines and she complains like nobody's business, but that's her blog.
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Date: 21.5.08 Time: 7:12 pm
yes fine, i know these 2 years there's very little complaints about her, not that i dont want to say, and definitely not that she didnt do anything. and right, today i had enough. i meant it. i dont know, it's going to be harsh, if you want to say im taking this too seriously, it's up to you, your choice, your voice. damn i have no idea what inside your freaking head, all you know is how to rant and complain about how tired you are, freaking hell, as if this world no one is AS TIRED AS YOU. while im having that SAP crap, common tests, piano exams, sleeping at 3am everyday, put yourself into my shoes, have i complain a single shit to you, oh wells perhaps i'm just TOO TIRED to complain. what a good joke huh. you kept telling me you couldnt tolerate with my behaviour, lol studying. and if you want to know, i think im behaving perfectly normal at home, if this have been like that for 15years i dont see why are you still putting up with it. you tell me you care, but honestly i dont see how and why you even bother to give a damn, and let me tell you, you're not caring, you dont care. let the face do it, your words are simply a piece of shit. now now, tomorrow is getting back of report books. i shall not comment on it yet, leaving it later. but you, hello im not studying hard? or perhaps so, not enough i agree, but not hard, you're probably very blind. faints, physics just aint my type of thing and i cant do well it in yet, is there a issue you wanna raise just because your daughter didnt get you damn physics genes in doing well. you said bio is useless and crappy, oh fine, what do you know about your body then, every time when sometimes happens, who do you scream for, asking what's this and that, nice work done uh. i realised all the above are being super sarcastic but i guess that's the only way i can type out without hurting myself more. the harder your method is, the harder i rebel, believe it not, try it out. im sick of listening to you and be that good girl, that perfect little girl no more. if you want, maybe try some adopts and find a real nice good girl that will listen to all your bullshit. count me out now. yes back to results, which i predict something drastic will happen tomorrow, and i'm still guessing what. nice way to put it for self-comfort uh. fine look at it, stare at it for as long as you can tolerate, nothing will change, everything will stay the same, i'm still someone who've done badly for midyrs. and this time i'm stating it clear that im not up to some nice chats and talks commenting on why i didnt do well, i have enough of you seriously. when i've done well, you didnt appreciate, so perhaps when i do badly, there's somewhat a probability that you will appreciate, let's see things this way okay. you aint wrong, with such grades, i'm getting into nowhere decent, but so what, you think this bothers you? i doubt so. making it or not is my business, not yours, if you have the heart to say a unhurtful word, i will prefer you to shut up. plus this thing about dinner is really getting on my nerves, please it's your job to get the dinner ready, i meant you always focus on how we should get our own jobs done right, so there you go, learn it yourself first! i have no idea how long this is as i continue typing, today im standing strong here i dare say, im standing strong against you, i have no regrets for any of my words, i have no fear in facing you the days ahead, cause i cant be bothered now, im mentally drained. the emotions part have been much close up, you know it's like those elastic stuff, you pulled it too much, and it's became useless, similar comparison to my emotions now. who am i kidding that i dont feel a shit, you know i do, but im ignoring it, i have to. the words, it cut right through my heart. the sound, pass right through my ears, and the information, my brain processed it all. so now happy? i'm listening, just listening. i couldnt take more, enough is enough. right now, im feeling boiled up, im feeling pissed that this is what i have, or had gone through, this is what you put me through. now the physical part, so how? you still want to take out your cane, or now that your hand is strong enough to slap? i have no words for this, perhaps trying out new stuff, the above 2methods have been overused these years! right, im still freaking pissed at that bustard. let's drop this and move on. yes tomorrow, my dear report book will come back. tomorrow i will begin flipping it all through, how i stumble across sec1 life, how i fled across sec2 life, how i struggled along sec3 life. is this what i have wanted since the day i stepped into this school? these things really kept me thinking for hours, i meant like yes you maybe right, whoever is reading this, you may think im just wasting another part of my life, thinking of nonsensical stuffs. i guess i lost that momentum, i lost that huge motivation, that driving force, i started out too early, my motor has weaken. this year, exactly 5more months and a day less, i need my full force, i need to pia my way through, i need it desperately. 3years ago, i knew how to prove her wrong, 3years later, im doing to do that too. im dead serious. tomorrow again, is the day i shall be ashamed of myself, thats why i knew, when i told you abt it, you just kept quiet, and whenever you kept quiet, i knew the words you wanna say, i knew it abit too well. i guess we've came this far, i know and you know something is wrong before even having to mention it. yes some may argue, what's wrong with your results, if you are the one asking, go and reflect, something is very wrong. if you can be satisified with such results of mine, i kinda lost for words too. i have to do well, im going to prove the world wrong, i can do better, lots of propaganda here. and again my minds wanders off to saturday, 2 of them. how am i suppose to put myself in front of ____. i will just have to face it i guess, but lol i think they're going spark out something before i even need to say a word. some post ago, i said im gonna face it, but again i couldnt bring myself to it. if i think i had been foolish and selfish, i guess i wasnt wrong, i was smart enough to do that, this have been to far off my limits. touching on so much today makes me mentally damn tired. argh, i was trying to read happily(-.-) just now, and then ... forget it. not worth mentioning to the world. those series of books really got me thinking, a hell lot, i should get my copies one day argh. gees today i saw eve! :D omg, it's been like ages since i last saw her. talked quite abit, and sighs, i hate this when i have to be the one telling them about it. i meant like i know what's running through in their minds, yet feeling so helpless kinda thing. ohwells, yess i know that day also like that, with another one. haiz, this is getting nowhere but all screwed up ahh. and yes, i was quite shocked by my own comment on it too, but i guess there's always one thing i never regret, because those times were the best times, those times made me learn, made me grow. (: nat nat tomorrow we shall start! :) you know what it feels when your heart aches, it hurts everywhere, not just only your heart. ouch, i feel a strong urge to say what i wanted to say all along, yet i dont have to courage to do so. freaks, i thought about typing ___ here, but i guess this is not very appropriate, not all the readers shall be exposed to such issues. but i know i know i promised, yet i dont have the will to. damn. i will try my best alright, i swear i keep this very promise or not hehs im getting killed. shrugs, there's so much i wish to say, i wish to do, yet only typing it here, staring at the words of my screen, i feel tired and drained, i didnt want to carry on, but deep down i know by hook or by crook i have to. sometimes it's just so hard. the song, the book, and the feeling blends in, to form what i feel, just to close to reality, yet so vague. Labels: we will talk soon |