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Date: 8.3.08 Time: 8:56 pm
okay i'm really feeling that post-commontest Sian-sation even though i practically dont stay at home in the day. oh great this is when you studied too much at home and the place is making you feeling super listless! meaning, go out study next time :) ahhh my parents have enough better to do but to paint our dinning table and chairs. wth lah, the smell of paints is buzzing my head like shit. D: i wanna close my nose, but i will die, LOL, what to do? y'know united square always very inspiring. in terms of studying. those lorna whiston, learning labs is always streaming with kids, even in food courts, macs, it's not uncommon to see a parent marking and a student stuck with a set of paper. how nice is life of kids, well that's not my point. the thing is this whole scenario makes me feel i'm very slack or whatsoever. damn damn. saw nat's blog ytd, the wake up call part. i guess it happens to me also. a 80% for maths is indeed a wake up call. dont say i'm mad or whatsoever, but i know it's very under expectations. i know i have to make it there, there. there's absolutely no excuse for me not achieving it. darn i'm very disappointed with myself this time. and no, i dont want to take piano exam into consideration. to think of it, how harsh i can be to myself, is very extreme. i dont know how exactly should i describe this feeling in words, but you get it anyway. since that day, i lost it all, my confidence, my self-esteem, my beliefs. gaining it back, some of it was so hard. it's like some spirits stuck onto you, oh whatever. but the thing is, trying to gain it back hurts, because it brings memories of the past. it brings memories of those words, which i dont want to get rid of, yet believing is so hard, but i wanted to. omg i'm thinking of that again. i know it's not healthy, being stuck in reminisece, however the spelling is. but it's just everything you do, brings you to this, everyday damn it. i've tried to escape from this mentality, this point of view, this thinking, yet im not ashamed to say i failed. this isnt helping, i've come very close to that scene now, okay maybe not that scene but those events leading to it. i'm facing it for myself, yet i've no confidence. ohman, i just have to get through all these, in a few months time everything will show. but you know it, i'm going there, to see! (: hahas alot of crap, okay not crap but craps. anyway i realised i always type the word stuffs and ck told me ytd that there's no such word hahaha. english is neat man. okay curfew is about there, spend too much time talking online tonight. wahhaha. gotta get going. |